Archive for July, 2011

No one’s perfect!

I am having a bit of a hard time finding my inner muse tonight, so bear with me here. I am hoping that if i ramble on enough my thoughts will organize themselves into what looks like a well planned out blog! And no my blogs are not planned, I have sat down to plan out a  few blogs and I just cannot do it. I lose to much of the emotion and just about all of my feelings get lost, so I like to just start typing and let the Lord take this wherever he wants.

Speaking of planning things out and just letting God lead the way, where do you draw the line? I am not in any way asking to take God out of the picture, but I am asking do you plan every minute of everyday to include your time with the Lord or do you leave it all open and just do things as you feel led to do them?

As a mother of two special needs children and the wife of a special needs, I would like to have everything planned and scheduled, but at the same time I find it nearly impossible to even have the most basic of routines.  I have done lots of praying on this matter as well as lots of research. They both led me to a wonderful website in which I have not only learned a lot about routines and house cleaning but I have also met some truly lovely friends and supporters. The website I speak of is and Marla Cilley is the founder and creator of a wonderful system that not only gets your house clean but your entire life organized one baby step at a time.

With that said, even with the Flylady‘s wonderful help and all the great support of fellow flybabies, I still have a horrible time with this. Sure I can write out the perfect schedule for my family, I can create routines all day long, but when it comes down to fact or fiction they are just words on paper.  My kids have never been in bed by 8pm and if I am awake at 6am it’s usually because I haven’t went to bed yet. I have alarms and timers going off constantly but much of the time they are just background noise in an already loud symphony of chaos and catastrophe.

For the longest time I believed theat even among thousands of flysisters I was the only mother that struggled with this. Somehow in my sometimes very dense brain I had convinced myself that my children were the only ones pitching tantrums at 2 am because their movie went off and I couldn’t find the remote quick enough. I thought I was the only mother that struggled with all the ins and outs of having a family. that is until I opened up and started sharing my troubles, then one by one others stood in line with me. I now see that the average mom don’t have it together unless they run their house hold like a prison boot camp. We all struggle with something, rather it be laundry, dishes, or bedtime. My somethings just happen to be everything! Just like my kids are my everything.

I will continue to write out schedules and routines. And I will continue to baby step my way to a happier home, but I know that no matter how perfect things look on paper, they are just words and in reality no ones perfect, no family is perfect and nothing is going to change that.


Tony Attwood – ABC Conversations with Richard Fidler.

The Silent Princess

August 2011 it will be 5 years that we have been blessed with our little princess.  I remember like yesterday finding out that I was pregnant, the joy, the fear, and the unknown. I remember crying and not knowing why. Then just 5 months later I found myself crying again, this time I knew why. My prenatal doctor had called with horrific news. Routine tests I had preformed just a few days earlier showed that my baby girl would likely never see the light of day. They said she had some birth defect that was “incompatible with life”.

But you see I serve a God that is bigger than any birth defect and he determines what is compatible with life, not some man-made test or doctor with many degrees. And late on very hot August afternoon, a beautiful little 6 pound 11 ounce baby girl entered this world.  She immediately captured the heart of everyone around. She was perfect. No birth defects, no abnormalities, an angel in disguise.

It didn’t take very long for anyone to realize that this little girl had the world in her hands and life at her feet. Anything she wanted she got. No one dare tell her no. She set the rules in this world in which she lived. She was very vibrant and full of energy. She met no stranger. She loved everyone, although shy at times she had the will power and strength of a lioness. She could do anything she set her mind to.

Now I find myself crying again. you see we’ve always knew she was a bit shy, and would take a bit to warm up to some people. But recently that shyness has escalated into something bigger. She went the entire school year without even whispering a single word to her teachers or class mates. And today marks the 18th day since my little princess has spoken a single word to anyone. It has been 18 days since I’ve heard her whisper Mama I love you!

This morning we went and talked to a childhood counselor. And after an hour of a million and one questions about every uncomfortable detail of our lives, she looked me in the eye and said, Mam I believe your child has progressive selective mutism. We will start counseling next week. Tonight I’m having a hell of a time coming to terms with the fact that I may never hear my baby girl speak again.

Through the tears though I know that I serve a God who is in control. A God of mercy and love, and I know my baby girl is strong and can over come any anxiety. She may be a silent princess at the moment, but not for long. I will hear her sing again.

Hey! I guess if I’m gonna do this then I’d better introduce myself, but to do that I’d have to know who I am first… So who am I? Well my name is Melissa, but very few call me that. I have been a wife since December 18, 2002, but that’s not who I am. I am a mother of two beautiful children, but I’m more than that. I love to crochet , but yarn doesn’t complete me. I would give anything to be able to paint or sketch most days but that doesn’t draw the whole picture. I have been known to get lost in a good book, but that still doesn’t tell the whole story.

My husband, Scott, has Bipolar 1 Disorder, but that’s not who he is. My son, Jacob, has Aspergers, but he’s so much more. Daughter, Abigael, recently stopped talking, but even without her voice, she’s much more complex. You see everyone has a title, or a label, but that’s all they are, labels not ingredients. As a child of God, we need to learn how to separate the ingredients from the labels and really get to know who we are.

I’m hoping that this blog will help me to do just that, dig past the labels and look  at the ingredients and decide who I am. Along the way I hope to give others a bit of insight into not only my life but also the life of my family.  I’m far from an expert on Aspergers, Bipolar or Mutism but dealing with it twenty-four seven, I’ve come to know quite a bit about them all and am more than willing to share my knowledge with anyone who may need it.

Now what about my quirky title? LOL I know without a doubt I’m gonna catch quite a bit of grief for “Airing my dirty laundry” all over the internet. My response is… One man’s trash just may be another man’s treasure!

I hope you’ll come back often and follow along as I discover myself and my family…

%d bloggers like this: